Friday, June 14, 2013

The plus sides to waiting to have kids

"Are you guys going to have kids....My kids need cousins....When is it going to be your turn?"

These are the questions that Tristan and I have been asked consistently since before we got married over two years ago.  I know that Nana Tonya and Kels say it with the best of intentions, but everyone else just expects that once you are a couple, you better be having kids!  That is our society today: do everything at once - or even better, do it backwards!  When people actually decide to slow down a little, people don't get it

Ever since I was a little kid I thought the same way, though.  My parents were very young when they got married and had me.  I wanted to do the same thing - be a young, vibrant momma with a bunch of little babies.  But you know what, I am 25.  I have been married for two years and no, we have not even tried to get pregnant yet.  And I am okay with that.

Earlier today, I read a post over at Delightfully Dunn.  Marianna was talking about the 5 Stages of Baby Making *before you make assumptions about what this post was really about...just go read it* and it really got me thinking.  Even though I thought that I wanted to have kids as soon as I was done with school, there are a lot of good things that come from waiting a little while.

1. You get to enjoy each other.  Although you think you know the person you are marrying, that is never completely true.  If you are lucky, you will spend your entire life getting to know one another more and more, always learning new things about the person you love.  I'm not saying don't have kids ever  - but take time to really know who you are as a couple before you start growing into a family.

2. You can be spontaneous.  We like to go down to the beach or head into "town" to hang out with friends.  Right now, we can grab a change of clothes and be set if we decide to stay the night (which we may or may not).  The point is, we can make plans on the fly and not have the think much about it.  Once you have kids, you have to worry about where the baby will sleep, do you have enough diapers and bottles and 20 sets of clothes...

3. You have a chance to see what your spouse MIGHT be like as a father or mother.  By waiting to have kids of your own, you have an opportunity to instead watch your significant other and how they react around other people's kids.  Now-just because your husband almost drops his newborn niece because he's never held a baby before does not mean he will be a bad father.  But I watch my husband play with our nieces and make our 4 month old nephew giggle, or even hang out with my younger brothers, and I know he will be a great dad.

4. You can travel with ease!  I can still travel with kids.  But just last month we got to ENJOY our drive down to San Francisco to visit friends.  I will go on record - most kids are NOT fun to take car rides with!  And typically you don't have a babysitter when on vacation, so all activities must be kid-friendly (no trying out the local bars and clubs...).

5. You have the time to figure out the things that "adult you" likes to do for yourself.  Hobbies.  Career.  What makes you tick? can figure out how to do those things with kids later.  I probably wouldn't have had the time to discover my true love of photography if I was chasing a toddler around last year.

And those are, in my opinion, some of the positive sides to not rushing into having children.  I ADORE children, and yes I am a baby hog (you don't have to ask me twice to hold your child).  I am so excited to be a mother one day.  But for now, I am happy to have time to just enjoy my husband and our life.

I am interested, though, to hear some of your thoughts or opinions?  Do you disagree with "waiting", or do you have other *positives* that I haven't listed??

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