Monday, October 28, 2013

Blogging With a Purpose: A Letter to the Newlyweds

To all you newlyweds out there (and I read about many weddings in the last six months, so I know you are out there), I want to take a few minutes to talk specifically to you.

To be honest, I almost consider myself a newlywed still.  My husband and I have been married almost 2 1/2 years, but I plan to be married to him for another good 50 or 60 years if I'm lucky - so in the grand scheme of things, we really are still newlyweds.  But for today I am talking to those of you who have been married for a year or less, and even those who are currently in the midst of planning a wedding.

Getting married is one of the most exciting days in a person's life.  I don't have any children yet, but I am sure the day your child is born is a strong rival.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in all the festivities and planning and gifts and possibly decorating a home together for the first time.  All of that is important and you should relish those moments.  But at the same time, it is important to be realistic.  At some point, the wedding is going to be over, the family is going to go home, you are going to come home from your honeymoon and it is just going to be the two of you.  So now what?

What happens when life goes back to normal, only now it's not just you?  Now, you are sharing the bathroom in the morning, stepping on someone's toes besides your dog's when cooking dinner at night.  You no longer are king/queen of the remote during prime time television.  I am not naive - many people have already experienced all of this long before they got married.  But for many living together doesn't come until after the wedding - and it can be a huge adjustment period.  Patience.  Understanding.  Compromise.  These are the words you need to live by during those first few years months.  Really, those are always words to live by.  But they are especially important for newlyweds.

"The first year is the hardest."  Did anyone else hear this from friends and relatives prior to getting married?  I sure did . . . and like a lot of people I'm sure, my response was "whatever . . . it won't be that bad."  And at first it wasn't.  But after about 6 or 8 months my husband and I really struggled.  There were some deep-seeded issues that I refused to deal with - both personal ones and relationship issues - and the ignorance only made matters worse.  Communication is so important.  And until I learned to communicate, those problems remained. 

I'm not an expert, but based on my experience there are four things that I would recommend you keep in mind as a newlywed in order to help safeguard your relationship.

1. Communicate! 
This doesn't have to be verbal, but it does have to be there.  Any healthy relationship requires communication.  Be honest with yourself, and honest with your spouse . . . about everything, not just about what you consider to be important (they may have a different idea about what is a "big issue" than you do).  Share your feelings and opinions.  Ideally, relationships are in a constant growth pattern.  There are always new things to learn about each other, plus you can grow together as a couple.  So, like when you first met and started dating, continue to ask questions of each other and learn more about the person you are sharing your life with.

2. Continue to date {each other!}. 
It is so easy to get into a day-to-day routine.  Over time that can get so boring, though.  Take time for just the two of you - go out for dinner, or to a concert.  Leave each other notes around the house or in each others' car.  Flirt and give each other complements.  Just have fun with each other.  Marriage is supposed to be fun!

3.  Do not be selfish. 
There will be days where you will come home and all you want to do is go to bed.  But maybe your spouse had an even worse day than you did and needs to talk through it.  Along with this (and I don't normally talk about anything too intimate here . . . but this is important), do not deny your spouse physical attention when they need it.  Everybody has their moments when they need to be loved and it is not fair for you to tell them no just because you aren't "in the mood".  This is a lesson I had to learn.

You have so many wonderful memories to make ahead of you.  Cherish those memories - and if you do have dark days, fall back on those good times to carry you through.  Trust each other, love each other, cling to one another.  You are a family now, so remember that.

Meet Amberly! 

 Hi! I'm Amberly and I blog over at Life with Amberly and Joe . It's my place to share the story of our marriage, the adventures we have, our love for each other, moments of laughter and our crazy busy life! We are happily married and forever young at heart!

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  1. This is such a great post!!! All you wrote is so true!

  2. Selfishness is a big source of poison in relationships, I believe. It definitely shouldn't have a place in marriage!


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